43: EVERY CHILD IS UNIQUE (PART 1) – BE FRIEND TO OUR CHILD

SHE'S CONFIDENT WITH DEON TEH

TRANSCRIPT FOR EP43

Welcome to SHE is Confident. Hi! This is Deon Teh and in this episode, I will be sharing with you about Every Child is unique (part 1)–Be Friend TO OUR CHILD

As parents, right from the day, our children are born, we are constantly learning how to be responsible parents. We love our children and they are like an extension of ourselves and also become leaders of the next generation.

How can we raise them in the best way to allow them to be who they are and how we can best guide them so that they can live to be themselves.

In a child’s learning journey, it doesn’t mean that they have to get high marks in their academics so that they are considered good or smart.

It really depends on what their personalities are. In my previous episode where I talked about Enneagram, everyone has different types of personality.

Each child has their strength and weakness and we can use this as a guide on how to balance their personal elements.

How do we act and behave towards our child is non-verbal education for them. As a chinese saying, If the upper beam is not straight, the lower beam will be crooked , loosely translated - if someone with authority sets a bad example, those below them will follow in their corruption.

We as parents are mentors to our child and if we don't set a good example to them, they will learn all the bad habits from us.

However, based on our past experiences and upbringing from our parents, we end up placing our hopes on them just like how our parents did to us.

We forget that every child has his own journey to go through just like what we did and our responsibility is to be their mentor and guide them in the right path but most of the time we tend to control them and steer (stir)them to what we want instead.

Ever since my son was born, as a new mother, I encountered many first time with him. Feeding him, bathing him, sending him to school etc.

For 13 years, we have had our fair share of tensions and misunderstandings, as my only son, I do hope that he can become a pianist. I tried to force him to attend lessons however, it didn't work as he does have his own thinking, dislikes and character.

It worsens my relationship with him as well as with my husband.

However, it still doesn’t work for him that is because every child is different and I started to think deeper.

I can see that he has talent in music, even one of his teachers mentioned to me however, he has no intention to further on his piano lessons, in the end, I gave up as I don’t want to force him to continue as it gave him pressure.

After attending many parenting workshops organised by his secondary school, I realised that children these days are under the influence of new technology and media, they have very different ways of thinking than me.

I started to be his friend, don’t let him be afraid of me, consider issues he faces from his point of view, talk to him heart to heart.

I let go of my past ways and learn new ways of guiding him in order for me to become a role model for him to follow, and I allow him to have his own opinion and I stop comparing him to others.

As parents, we come from different background and both of parents will react differently when nurturing our children. Therefore both husband and wife will need to communicate; don’t insist that your way is correct, or your partner’s method is wrong or etc

I went through a lot of learning and I realised that my child has his own path to walk. Because he is an individual and it is unreasonable to control him instead of guiding and teaching him.

Our children need the most from us is our affirmation and whatever the choice they made, we need to support and if they met with any trouble or issue, we will be the first to protect them.

We must allow our children to be themselves but not pamper them, bearing this in mind, we should accompany them but not be the master of their life. When they grow up, as parents, we should stand aside to cheer for them

When we give them freedom, it doesn't mean they can do whatever they want. They should follow our advice and for issues that are beyond their capability to decide, they must refer back to their parents for discussion, therefore having a close relationship with our children is very important.

Preaching to our children tends to include criticism, the child will try to avoid us, because no one likes to be criticised.

Hence, let go of our worries for our children and turn all these into blessings for them and together with our children we learn to improve and grow together.

If you want to talk about transforming your inner child, healing your relationships with yourself and money, connect with me through my Facebook and the link is in the show notes.

End

I look forward to seeing you in my next episode where I will be sharing with you about Every Child is unique (part 2)–CHILD’S MIND