REPLAY Sex Gets Real 221: Andy Izenson on alternative justice, resilient relationships, & masculinity


Manage episode 243234897 series 73541
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Radical love, resilient community, and never being discarded with Andy Izenson

I am so excited to replay this episode with Andy Izenson.

When it first aired, I received loads of emails as a response, and since I'm taking this week off to tend to me, it felt like a beautiful offering to tide you over until next week.

I first saw Andy speak several years ago at a closing panel for Woodhull Sexual Freedom Summit, and I was in awe. You'll see why when you tune into our rich conversation.

After reaching out to Andy, asking if they'd like to talk about restorative and transformative justice as well as building resilient communities on the show, Andy also said they were thinking a lot about:

-- the way orthodoxies of capitalism and scarcity infuse polyamorous community// polyamory should be inherently anti-capitalist -- the way the state is conspiring with your trauma -- disposability and anxiety and the fiction of moral purity -- resilience and bravery in sex and relationships -- what even is masculinity anyway


So, on this week's show, we talk about alternative justice, healing, building resilient relationships and communities, letting go of the fantasy of safety and why there are no good people, plus, we explore the power of anger, question what even is masculinity, and feel moved that the kids really will be alright.

Patreon supporters - If you support the show at the $3 level and above, a new bonus is landing on Tuesday (so I can continue to take the weekend to rest). Listen and support the show at

Follow Sex Gets Real on Twitter and Facebook. It's true. Oh! And Dawn is on Instagram. In this episode, Andy and I talk about:
  • Andy’s take on restorative and transformative justice and how finding factors where the whole community can come together to heal is a form of radical love.
  • The ways we've been taught to believe in good versus bad, heroes versus villains, and why that feeds our hunger for punishment and violence. But punishment doesn't heal wounds or create strong communities, so what's the alternative?
  • The fantasy we have to let go of around punishment and banishment when someone does something harmful, and how safety is an illusion.
  • Why we can banish all the "abusers" from the island if we expect to have community.
  • Andy's definition for community and how we can start building that kind of fierce support in a tiny way.
  • The power of our anger, and what happens when the people in our life can hold that anger with us. We also talk about how damn resilient relationships become when we're can fuck up and know we won't be abandoned or discarded.
  • Cultivating resilience in interpersonal relationships and communities.
  • Knowing how you want your community to be/look like and how it should be a space where you feel safe and supported.
  • The hard work around radical love and that it’s not always rainbows and butterflies. It’s actually really hard work
  • Masculinity: What it would be like if it was not toxic and infused with violent misogyny? What even is masculinity?
  • Imagining a world that just accepts us as who we are and who we want to be, opens the question of whether or not we’ll have a different language for what we have now?
  • The excitement and the honest truth that the kids are alright. They will be. Period.
About Andy Izenson:

Andy Izenson is an attorney with Diana Adams Law & Mediation, PLLC, and is a collaborative practitioner, mediator, and passionate advocate, working to reframe conflict through a compassionate and transformative lens. As a member of the National LGBT Bar Association’s Family Law Institute and the National Lawyers Guild NYC Chapter Executive Committee, Andy is tirelessly committed to support for queer community and families as well as to a radical, anti-assimilationist politic.

You can find Andy on Twitter @AndyEyeballs, join the Diana Adams Law newsletter, or email Andy about speaking at your institution at andy.izenson at gmail dot com.

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