06: Self Destructive Behaviors: Hitting Rock Bottom and Unleashing the Secret with Denis Marier and John Conlon

Groomed

Denis Marier welcomes you to the sixth episode of Groomed, a podcast for male survivors of childhood grooming and sexual abuse, and their loved ones.

In this final episode of Season One of Groomed, Denis continues sharing his story of the damaged years in his search for healing as he descends into the underground. This is the hardest episode for Denis as he admits to some things that he would rather have remained private, but half of a story would not be sincere. Being a male survivor of childhood grooming and sexual abuse includes the destructive and addictive behaviors that Denis and other survivors tend to fall into. Every step of the journey was necessary in the process of getting to where he is today, and that is where the value of this episode resides. He is releasing his shame by talking about the ugly bits of his recovery. This episode contains graphic content of addiction and sexual trauma and listener discretion is advised.

Key Takeaways:

[2:15] Denis was in Toronto and avoided sharing with his friends and family the true nature of the life he was living.

[4:11] Denis explores his spirituality, while battling multiple addictions at once, some of them opening amazing doors into love.

[5:57] Denis opens up about several addictions in his past and putting himself in very dangerous situations.

[8:04] The moment Denis realizes he was not healing from what happened to him in high school.

[9:39] Denis traveled around the world, running from himself at the same time as he was trying to find the good in himself.

[11:14] Ecopsychology unexpectedly opened up an intense way to dive deeper into his healing journey.

[13:05] Denis did his fourth Vision Quest in Utah and realized that he had to go back to the police.

[14:05] The kindest thing: The kindest thing Denis could do for himself was to open up the story and stop protecting the secret for them both. The kindest thing Denis could do for the perpetrator was to go to the police and give him the chance to own his misdeeds. Somehow, there seemed to be honour in that.

[15:03] In conversation in a bar in Toronto with a friend of a friend who also went to Riverside SS, Denis realized that he was not the only victim of the teacher.

[16:12] The moment Denis realized he cannot keep his job since he had unfinished business back in Windsor, and the turning point of his 40th birthday.

[19:57] Denis talks about his profound, deep, social anxiety.

[22:01] John shares how an intervention needed to be organized since Denis was obviously out of control.

[23:19] John talked with one of Denis’s siblings about the intervention, who ended up telling Denis about the plan.

[26:29] Denis did a two-week detox and then entered a 3-week drug and alcohol re-hab program.

[27:22] The massive impact of hearing the word “rape” to describe what happened to him.

[29:27] When Denis was finally ready to give his statement to the police, his therapist stood up and dialed the police department immediately.

[30:29] Denis tells John that the police were charging the teacher and John’s reaction.

[32:23] The teacher was arrested on Denis’ complaint alone and charged with six counts of sexual assault. Meanwhile another victim also spoke up adding up to the charges.

[35:30] The #MeToo movement provided an incredible platform for female victims of sexual violence. With gratitude, Denis is hoping that male victims will be able to support each other in the same way.

Mentioned in this Episode:

Groomed Podcast

Groomed on Facebook

Groomed on Twitter

Canada Suicide Prevention Services

Victim Services Ontario

Support Services for Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse program

Tweetable and Quotes:

“I was trying to survive, and I thought I was doing an okay job, but it was a downward spiral.” @groomedpodcast

“I wasn’t looking for any sort of reward, I just needed to be heard.” @groomedpodcast

“The kindest thing I could do for myself was to tell the story.” @groomedpodcast

“Rape is when you don’t give your consent.” @groomedpodcast

“Now the story belongs to the world.” @groomedpodcast