EP 83: Know Your Payoffs because the Devil is in the Details!

Relationship Fitness Podcast

Welcome to another episode of the Relationship Fitness Podcast! It’s a fact that thoughts lead to actions--which lead to results. These results lead to a payoff, which leads back to our thoughts or our story. Our story is the WHY of what we do. Join me as we take a deeper look!

“If you want to meet the Devil . . .”

“ . . . Just do nothing.” I heard someone say this recently, and I realized the implications for relationships. Just doing nothing in your relationship and in your life will lead to drama and discomfort. “Devil” here is not used in a religious sense, but in the sense of big-time angst, trouble, and heartache. It’s a symbol of all the negative things that can come your way. Doing nothing in your relationship opens the door to the wolves and cougars. If you listen to them, you’re listening to BS that came about because you did nothing in your relationship.

There is a payoff to everything we do

We get a payoff to everything, and it can be negative or positive. This is why we DO things, and DON’T DO certain things. We realize, in relationships, that we attract more good things to us with honey than with vinegar. That’s why we do some things--because there is a beneficial payoff for us. I heard a woman recently tell of her husband (whom she despises) who disengages with his family for the sake of his video games. He does that because he finds that fantasy world less scary than being a family man and engaging as a leader in his family. How sad is it that he has chosen the payoff that gaming gives him over the connection with his family! There is always a WHY to what we do, and others (like his wife and kids) pay the price in negative ways. Think about it. Why are you doing the things that you do?

Be the man that you are

Some men become a different version of the man their wife married. He may have been vibrant, spontaneous, and exciting in their early relationship, but now he is the lion in the cage that’s been tamed and controlled always to acquiesce. Men need to be the men they are and take a stand to be the man they were that attracted your spouse. There is always room for change and growth without losing the man you are. “Don’t acquiesce to being a puss.” Self-preservation is important to self-growth, and men need to grow together WITH their spouse. Know your WHY and know your payoffs, and things will go better in your relationship.