Red Flags and Respecting Boundaries-S03E23

Kuldrin's Krypt A BDSM 101 Podcast

Recorded: 12/06/2020 / Published: 6/25/2021
Call in at 865-268-4005 to leave your question or visit the Krypt at https://kuldrinskrypt.com.
In this episode of The Krypt Mayfair, the chatroom, and I are going to talk about a letter of experience and caution sent in by a listener telling his personal recent experience with red flags and respecting boundaries.
- Rules to Love By: ( https://inclusionwoodworks.com )
1: Safe, sane, consensual, and informed
2: KNKI: Knowledge, No Intolerance, Kindness, Integrity
3: “Submission is not about authority and it’s not about obedience; it is all about relationships of love and respect.” -Wm. Paul Young
- Red Flags and Respecting Boundaries-S03E23
- A listener message titled “Want to Say Thank You” sent to me by CourtsDom69 on December 6, 2020.
- Kuldrin,
I wanted to take a minute and say thank you. I grew up ultra vanilla and found myself at age 44 in a relationship with a more experienced partner, OopsCourtDidIt exploring areas of sexuality I never knew existed.
Courtney had been expressing a desire for BDSM play and told me about her past experiences in the lifestyle. Being eager to please her, I began to do research and learn what I could. I was blown away by the amount of BDSM stuff available on the web (I have never watched 50 shades!)
Thankfully, I came across your Podcast which has been my predominant source of information.
Court and I discussed options for play and learning and were both interested in being dominated by a male and a female, I wanted to experience being a bottom/submissive to fully appreciate that aspect from a multisensory perspective.
We both had reached out to perspective dominant types to engage them in discussion to see if there was an interest, we found one person that was local. The relationship started by Courtney expressing our desires and my willingness to learn and this couple had a dominant husband who liked the idea.
We decided to meet for dinner one evening a couple of weeks ago to talk and exchange thoughts. The dominant's wife would not be joining the dinner and had started a new relationship with another dominant outside of their marriage, she wasn't able to connect to her husband as a complete submissive and wanted to explore this dynamic.
I expressed to Courtney that I still wanted to remain focused on what we initially discussed regarding both being dominated. Will, the dominant suggested another female play partner attend the dinner to see what developed.
In the first meeting with Will, he brought Courtney a dozen roses, an app-controlled vibrator, a handmade wooden paddle, and a professionally bound BDSM contract. The dinner went okay and I had good conversations with both Will and Sasha whom Will had invited.
Will appeared very confident in his domination experience and I could see Courtney was excited at this prospect, so I remained open-minded. Will also had an app that he used with Courtney called Obedience, complete with goals, rewards, and punishments, I found it very interesting and it helped me understand some of the beneficial psychology of a Dom/Sub dynamic and it helped me understand how to start, progress and end a scene.
I was not overly comfortable with the dynamic Will wanted with Courtney, I did remain open-minded and in good communication with Courtney. The first time I sat down to review the "contract" I physically got sick to my stomach. I hated just about everything that was in there and as much as I tried, I couldn't shake the feeling. I wrestled with exactly what I was feeling and knew what some of my reservations were and could only describe my feelings as "being put onto a rollercoaster that had previously crashed on me twice, killing two relationships".
I was married twice before (a major no-no in my uber-religious upbringing) and both marriages ended based largely on the advice my ex-wives received from counselor's. In fact, my first wife remarried our marriage counselor, so my distrust was justifiable.
I respected the psychology of the Dom/Sub dynamic and viewed it from a more of a therapeutic aspect and have an appreciation of the superior/inferior dynamic and this dynamic is what made me nervous.
Courtney made Will aware of my hesitations and concerns and we agreed to meet again for dinner.
...Read the entire letter at https://kuldrinskrypt.com/323
Much love and respect,
CourtsDom69 (Ps you have our permission to read this on your cast, just not my last name please)
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