#110: 4 Ways to Not be Codependent as a Healer

Black Girls Heal

I’m sharing these tips for anyone who is a professional healer. Those of you who are therapists, coaches, crystal workers, healers of all sorts, listen in. But, if you are the sage of your family, perhaps a priest or pastor, or maybe a teacher who hears the burdens of your students, then this is for you as well.

As healers, we need to be sure to avoid codependency. What does that mean exactly? As a whole, it means not making your client or family member or student’s journey about you. You cannot superimpose your issues onto their healing.

The first way to avoid codependency is by not arguing with people who aren’t ready for transformation. You cannot push people toward healing. They will walk the path toward healing in their own time and you badgering them into it will not make them go any faster.

When people share their feelings with you, stop, take a moment, and then ask them what they need from you. Rather than listening and then immediately trying to fix the problem, see what they’re looking to gain by confiding in you first.

Also don’t personalize the other person’s progress. Their wins and losses are not reflective of your involvement in their life. It’s their healing journey, not yours so their progress has nothing to do with you.

Listen in to hear all four ways plus a little bonus. We all have our own issues to deal with which is why healers also need to have their own healer to go to. Just make sure that you don’t use your relationship with your clients to work on your own baggage.

In this episode:

• [00:34] Being a healer is a privilege in someone’s life no matter if it’s in a personal or professional capacity.
• [02:27] If you are a healer, it’s important that you don’t expect more from the relationship than it is.
• [05:38] You do not argue with people who are not ready for transformation.
• [07:29] This looks like you, making their journey about you. Learn more.
• [09:56] When people are sharing their feelings with you, you need to pause and ask them what they need from you.
• [12:30] Don’t personalize your client’s progress.
• [15:20] Our emotions are so layered and also so simple.
• [17:52] Stop over-giving, which is not the same as over-delivering.
• [20:12] If you truly believe in this person, then step out of the way.
• [22:59] I personally have struggled with over-giving as a coach even though I perfected it as a therapist.
• [27:01] No matter how hard someone pushes you, you’ll complete things in your own time and space. The same is true with your clients.
• [30:54] Are you talking with your therapist or coach about your own personal triggers?
• [32:37] We all have places where we need to learn and grow.
• [33:05] Why you need to stay focused on your own life.
• [36:14] As a healer you cannot be possessive or jealous. You don’t need to be someone’s everything.
• [38:17] Learn how to just say no. Space is okay.
• [41:26] If you’re a healer, more is not always better.
• [43:53] How I’m modeling this.

Links & Resources:

The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz

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