))
Formerly the Parenting after Trauma podcast, internationally recognized children's mental health expert Robyn Gobbel decodes the most baffling behaviors for parents of kids with vulnerable nervous systems. If you're parenting a child who has experienced trauma or toxic stress or a child with a neuroimmune disorder, sensory processing, or other nervous system vulnerability, this show will let you know you are not alone. You can stop playing behavior whack-a-mole because Robyn offers you tools ...
…
continue reading
Robyn Gobbel is a writer, trainer, speaker, and educator dedicated to understanding why humans behave the way they behave.
…
continue reading
Living with someone with a vulnerable nervous system almost certainly leaves you feeling like you are walking on eggshells. It’s that sense of not knowing what’s going to happen next, having to tread lightly, and being constantly at risk of making a misstep that will trigger the other person. In today’s episode, we are going to break down the neuro…
…
continue reading
In this special 200th episode, we’re exploring how to bring compassion, curiosity, and gratitude to our kids’ (and our own) “Watchdog” and “Possum” parts as overworked companions trying their best to help us survive. With acceptance and understanding, we can help these parts rest and integrate, creating space for true change. We also look at the un…
…
continue reading
1
Ep. 199: Scaffolding Relational Skills as Brain Skills with Eileen Devine
1:06:31
1:06:31
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
1:06:31
The brain is the brain is the brain. All behaviors have their origin in the brain. But for some behaviors, it is easy to lose sight of this important truth. Behaviors that would be easy to label as manipulative or controlling or selfish just feel so personal! But if we can remember that even relational skills are brain-based skills, we can reclaim …
…
continue reading
1
REPLAY: Titrating Connection (Oppositional Series - Part 4)
47:47
47:47
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
47:47
In this episode, I unravel how to extend connection to our children while acknowledging that some might see this connection as a threat. I offer insights on toning down the demand for connection, enabling our children to relax in it, and thereby strengthen their stress response system. I also reference the previous episodes in this four-part series…
…
continue reading
1
REPLAY: When Connection isn't Safe (Oppositional Series - Part 3)
39:08
39:08
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
39:08
If offering safety and connection is the antidote to oppositional behavior, what do you do if connection isn’t experienced as safe or regulating by your child? In this episode you’ll learn: How connection and protection can get tied together How to keep offering connection, even when it’s consistently rejected by your child The science behind why Y…
…
continue reading
1
REPLAY: Strategies for Oppositional Behavior (Oppositional Series - Part 2)
48:25
48:25
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
48:25
Last week we talked about the science of oppositional behavior. This week, let’s look at strategies to help children rest into felt safety so their nervous system feels better and their oppositional protective strategies can decrease. In this episode you’ll learn: An invitation to consider some of our cultural beliefs around opposition in the paren…
…
continue reading
1
REPLAY: Oppositional And Defiant Behavior (Oppositional Series - Part 1)
47:41
47:41
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
47:41
What if oppositional behavior is a normal response to feeling unsafe? In this episode, we unfold the layers of oppositional behavior and its roots in the nervous system. We look into the diagnostic complexities of Oppositional Defiant Disorder and dive into how our own state of the nervous system is important in helping our children navigate their …
…
continue reading
All behavior makes sense and no behavior is maladaptive- in the moment that behavior emerges. Of course, the IMPACT of the behavior might be maladaptive and absolutely many behaviors need to change. But understanding that all behavior makes perfect sense at the moment it emerges is the lynchpin in offering folks co-regulation, connection, and felt-…
…
continue reading
It’s really important to me and my team that you have all the information you might need when making the decision to join The Club- or not. The Club is open for new members now, October 1-8, 2024, and I recorded this episode based on some of the most commonly asked questions In this episode, you’ll learn What The Club even is and why it’s different…
…
continue reading
Whiplash. You probably know what I mean. You start to be lulled into a life with fewer meltdowns, or less intensity. Then BOOM. An old behavior seems to explode out of nowhere. You’re right back to feeling like everything’s awful or it’ll never get better or you’ll have to live like this forever. You might even be frustrated with yourself that you …
…
continue reading
If self-regulation doesn't really exist- then what do we mean when we talk about self-regulation? And why does it matter? In this episode, you’ll learn What self-regulation REALLY is How “self” regulation develop Why you should still teach self-regulation skills Resources mentioned in this podcast: What Does Co-Regulation Really Look Like? {EP 81} …
…
continue reading
1
EP 194: Improving Connections Between Home and School with Jessica Sinarski
1:00:07
1:00:07
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
1:00:07
We could never have too many ideas about how to cultivate connections between home and school. Author of Light Up the Learning Brain (and Riley the Brave) Jessica Sinarski shares practical ideas that can help parents and schools work together to support kids with vulnerable nervous systems. In this episode, you’ll learn Practical, easy-to-implement…
…
continue reading
Parenting kids with vulnerable nervous systems is practically synonymous with “controlling.” Our kids are controlling and for most of us, if we were honest, we’d notice that the stress of parenting is causing us to get controlling, too. Why? In this episode, you’ll learn Why protection mode almost always leads to an increase in controlling behavior…
…
continue reading
Almost every time I teach, especially if there are folks in the audience not already familiar with my work or the concept of co-regulation, someone asks the very valid question of- “Isn’t this (co-regulation) just coddling?” Fair question! There are a lot of underlying assumptions and fears in this question that we will deconstruct in today’s episo…
…
continue reading
1
REPLAY: When Your Child Won't Talk About Their Watchdog and Possum Brain
51:49
51:49
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
51:49
This episode originally aired on November 7th, 2023 Does your child yell, scream, or otherwise refuse to talk about their owl, watchdog, or possum brain? They tell you it’s stupid or tell you to stop talking or get extra silly or just don’t talk? I hear this from a LOT of parents (and I experienced it a lot in the play therapy room). This doesn’t m…
…
continue reading
This episode originally aired February 17th, 2023 I’ve been listening for a while and the watchdog and possum brain ideas have really helped me. Is it OK to teach this to my kids too? I’m worried they’ll start using it as excuses. I get this question all the time! If we teach our kids about the watchdog and possum brain are they going to start sayi…
…
continue reading
Does your child with a vulnerable nervous system say mean, hurtful, taunting, or aggressive things to your other kids? You already know you can’t control what comes out of someone else’s mouth, so what do you do??? How do you help your kids deal with their sibling’s verbal aggression? In this episode, you’ll learn Steps to help increase your childr…
…
continue reading
1
EP 190: When Two (or more) Kids Are Dysregulated at Once!
40:18
40:18
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
40:18
What on earth should you do when you have more than one child dysregulated at the same time? You’re outnumbered, you’re overwhelmed. Now what? In this episode, you’ll learn The #1 step to take when more than one kid is dysregulated What to prioritize How to have realistic expectations for yourself Resources mentioned in this podcast: Child Always D…
…
continue reading
If you are a regular listener here on The Baffling Behavior Show, big, baffling behaviors and big meltdowns are no longer surprising in your home. Even if we can’t predict those moments of 'Back-Off or, 'Attack' Watchdog, "Shut Down' or, 'Play Dead' Possum, we can predict that it is going to happen again. You can create felt safety for the other ch…
…
continue reading
1
EP 188: Grief as the Sibling of a Child with Special Needs
39:39
39:39
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
39:39
Grief is hard to acknowledge and talk about. The truth is, there is grief involved with being the sibling of a child with a special need. In today’s episode, we’re exploring how to support the siblings of kids with a nervous system disability with behavior-based symptoms with all their feelings, especially grief. In this episode, you’ll learn How t…
…
continue reading
1
EP 187: Teach Siblings about Owls, Watchdogs, and Possums... Without Excusing!
38:46
38:46
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
38:46
One way we can support the siblings of kids with big, baffling behaviors is to teach them about owls, watchdogs, and possums (or some way to understand the brain and behaviors) as well as to teach them about nervous system vulnerabilities and ‘overactive’ watchdog and possum brains! In this episode, you’ll learn Steps to take when teaching siblings…
…
continue reading
1
EP 186: Helping Siblings Understand "Unfair" Parenting
45:41
45:41
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
45:41
Do you have kids who feel like the way you parent their sibling (the one with the worst behavior!!!) is unfair? We’ll be tackling different topics on how to support siblings over the next month. In this episode, you’ll learn The five things to consider when thinking about how to help siblings understand ‘unfair’ parenting Are you parenting all your…
…
continue reading
1
EP 185: Setting Boundaries that Stick with Juliane Taylor Shore and Therapist Uncensored
1:02:56
1:02:56
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
1:02:56
Something new and unexpected here on The Baffling Behavior Show! This episode is actually from the Therapist Uncensored Podcast with Sue Marriott and Ann Kelley. Sue and Ann interviewed one of y'alls FAVORITES- Juliane Taylor Shore. Juliane was on The Baffling Behavior Show a long time ago, talking about psychological boundaries and verbal aggressi…
…
continue reading
Parents of kids with baffling behaviors are CONSTANTLY being judged by others. How do we get to a point where we don’t care as much about what other people think? In this episode, we’ll explore: Some of the most common judgments that parents of kids with baffling behaviors receive How it’s actually not possible to not care at all, but we can care L…
…
continue reading
“The curious paradox is that when I accept myself just as I am, then I can change.” ~Carl Rogers You know, one of my favorite things about studying relational neuroscience is discovering the science that proves things we’ve known all along. Not everyone needs the science, and I know some think the science detracts from the powerful truths that peop…
…
continue reading
1
EP 183: Is Watchdog and Possum Behavior Always Protective?
31:35
31:35
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
31:35
Do the Watchdog and Possum pathway only activate in protection mode? Are they always protective? NO! It is possible to have safe and connected Watchdog energy and safe and connected Possum energy! Why does this distinction matter? In this episode, you’ll learn What safe and connected watchdog energy feels like What safe and connected possum energy …
…
continue reading
What does my child need for their success to be inevitable? If I wanted to paint the top of a 20 foot wall, I’d rent some scaffolding. Scaffolding makes the floor higher and would get me as close to the top of the wall as I needed. The scaffolding would help make my success inevitable. It’s not the only thing I need to be successful (paint would co…
…
continue reading
1
Ep 182: There Is Nothing Wrong With You! With Guest Janet Nordine
56:09
56:09
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
56:09
Janet Nordine is a registered play therapist, adoptee, and mental health activist working tirelessly to improve children’s mental health services, specifically in the state of Nevada. Janet has an important message for adoptees that I think is relevant to all kids and families who are supporting kids with vulnerable nervous systems: There is nothin…
…
continue reading
Self-regulation is a crucial developmental milestone and I’m thrilled that we are turning our eyes toward self-regulation instead of staying focused on behavior modification through rewards and consequences. At the same time, we must remember that self-regulation is developed through repeated and regular experiences of co-regulation with an attuned…
…
continue reading
1
EP 181: What's the "Connected Response" to {Insert Specific Difficult Behavior Here}?
44:00
44:00
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
44:00
What’s the connected response to {insert difficult behavior here}?? How do I respond to {insert difficult behavior here} in a connected way??? I get some version of this question almost every day. So, let’s answer it here on the podcast! In this episode, you’ll learn What most parents are really asking when they ask ‘what’s the connected response’?…
…
continue reading
It’s normal and common for stress and dysregulation to cause kids to act younger than they really are. This happens to grown-ups too! Simply because it’s normal and common doesn’t mean it’s not very frustrating! In this episode, you’ll learn A neurosequential explanation for regression How to use regression as a cue or a clue about the state of you…
…
continue reading
I’m sure you often feel like ‘getting your kid regulated’ is a very important goal! But- is it? Is regulated the goal? And is it possible to even consider these kinds of questions when we are parenting very dysregulated kids with very dangerous behaviors? In this episode, you’ll learn The difference between a moment of being regulated and having a …
…
continue reading
Believe it or not, we don’t want to get rid of our kids’ watchdog and possum brains! We want to help their watchdog and possum brain rest so they aren’t working so hard. Their watchdog and possum brains are overworked and overactive. In this episode, you’ll learn Why we must remember that everyone has a watchdog and possum brain How gratitude and a…
…
continue reading
When I work with parents whose child spends a lot of time on the possum pathway, I warn them that sometimes possum kids become watchdog kids before the finally have a nice, strong owl brain. Because watchdog behaviors are often more intense and scarier than possum behaviors, this can feel like your child is ‘getting worse.’ It’s actually a sign of …
…
continue reading
This episode originally aired on December 22, 2020, episode 8 ::: I love love love talking about self-compassion for two main reasons. #1- Self-Compassion is solidly anchored in the relational neurosciences- and you know how much I love...and need...for things to be anchored in science. #2- Self-compassion has tenacity. There's no way out. Self-com…
…
continue reading
Is it possible to feel better even if your child’s behavior doesn’t change? Even if the stress doesn’t change? Theoretically, yes. Your chronic watchdog or possum state means you are in chronic protection mode. Is it possible to shift out of protection mode before the chaos in your life changes? That’s exactly what we address in today’s episode! In…
…
continue reading
This episode originally aired on September 20th, 2022 Another important piece of understanding what is underneath your child's big, baffling behaviors is the Stress Response System. Our Stress Response System plays a huge role in our children's behaviors and also how we perceive those behaviors. In this episode, you’ll learn: What stress is and how…
…
continue reading
1
EP 175: Secure Relating with Guests Sue and Ann from Therapist Uncensored
1:05:25
1:05:25
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
1:05:25
Settle in for a fun and inspiring chat with hosts from Therapist Uncensored and authors of the new release Secure Relating, Sue Marriott & Ann Kelley. In this episode, you’ll learn How responding to our children’s (and partner’s) needs in the present moment, instead of from a place of anxious or avoidant states, can improve our relationships About …
…
continue reading
This episode originally aired on August 1st, 2023 Parenting a child with a vulnerable nervous system can feel like navigating a maze blindfolded. But what if we told you that understanding the balance between enabling and co-regulation could be your guiding light? This week, we break down this crucial contrast, demystifying the term 'enabling', oft…
…
continue reading
I’m sure you’ve had moments (days, weeks, months) where it felt hard, maybe even impossible, to keep offering connection to your child. It is hard to offer connection to someone who seems to constantly reject it! If it feels hard to keep offering your child connection, I actually want you to shift your focus. Don’t prioritize offering connection to…
…
continue reading
1
REPLAY: Low Demand Parenting with Amanda Diekman
1:03:10
1:03:10
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
1:03:10
"The best parenting book!" "I highlighted every other page!" "This book has transformed our family." You can get your copy of Raising Kids with Big, Baffling Behaviors at RobynGobbel.com/book *** Check Out All Robyn's Free Resources! You can download all sorts of free resources, including webinars, eBook, and infographics about topics such as lying…
…
continue reading
If regulated, connected kids who feel safe do well, does that mean connected kids are always cooperative? Definitely not! In fact, there’s a level of connection to others- and to themselves! - that invites in the safety to be UNcooperative! In this episode, you’ll learn How safety can invite both cooperative and UNcooperative behavior Why too much …
…
continue reading
This is NOT an episode about how to make your kid go to school. What you WILL learn in this episode: What is pathological demand avoidance, or PDA? Schools valuing attendance above all is not helpful You are a good parent even if your kid doesn’t go to school That sometimes, all we have to do is be nice Resources mentioned in this podcast: Can’t No…
…
continue reading
The question of ‘can I heal’ or 'can my child heal' or ‘how do I (or my child) heal’ is a tricky one. Healing is a word that gets used a lot without really pausing to ask ourselves what it actually means. If we are aiming for a nebulous goal that hasn’t been defined, it will feel impossible to reach. Impossible tasks often feel hopeless. In this ep…
…
continue reading
***This episode originally aired on February 2nd, 2021*** Lying is probably the behavior parents seek support with the most. It's confusing. It's triggering. It's exhausting. Did you catch last week's episode on X Ray Vision Goggles? We can use those goggles to get underneath the lying so we can respond in ways that actually sets the boundary and i…
…
continue reading
Do you live with someone or love someone who is chronically dysregulated? This episode isn’t an episode that is going to tell you what to do. This is an episode of commiseration. Of “I see you.” It is exhausting to live with someone who is chronically unhappy, or chronically dysregulated. Knowing you’re not alone can help. In this episode, you’ll l…
…
continue reading
***This episode originally aired on February 16th, 2021*** Connection. Empathizing. Offering choices. These parenting ideas sound good in theory but if you are living with a child who seems chronically angry or won’t get out of bed or is otherwise pretty much always unhappy or dysregulated- none of those parenting suggestions seem to do much good. …
…
continue reading
It’s very common for all humans- kids and adults- to have more behavior struggles and dysregulation. Kids with vulnerable nervous systems, as well as attachment trauma, are especially likely to demonstrate some confusing patterns with regard to where they are regulated and where they aren’t. In this episode, you’ll learn The neurobiology behind why…
…
continue reading
1
REPLAY: Trauma Behavior? Or Just Regular Kid Acting-Up Behavior?
41:05
41:05
나중에 재생
나중에 재생
리스트
좋아요
좋아요
41:05
***This episode originally aired on May 11th, 2021*** You’ve asked yourself “Is this a behavior that’s coming from my child’s trauma? Or is this regular acting out kid behavior???” Sometimes it’s pretty obvious but if you’re asking yourself that question, you’re probably in a situation where it isn’t obvious. What if I told you it doesn’t matter? H…
…
continue reading
Parenting with co-regulating and seeing below our kids behaviors is actually a privilege we rarely talk about. It’s always a privilege, but especially when we consider different marginalized and oppressed identities that a lot of kids- and those of you listening- intersectionally hold. In this episode, you’ll learn The definition of privilege (it i…
…
continue reading
