He has risen again! He being Jesus Christ of course, our lord and saviour and friend of the pod. Alex and Ben are back with Part II of the epic Christ Quadrilogy where they explore weighty themes like religion, resurrection, sin, and salvation. This week we're covering Martin Scorsese's (and Paul Schrader's) THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST. Joining u…

I loooove you Jeeeesus Chriiiiist. Jesus Christ I loooove you, yesss I dooooo. Happy April everybody! We here at The Franchisees are good, honest, god-fearing folk and have decided to celebrate the death and resurrection of friend of the pod and future guest, Jesus of Nazareth. We've picked a quartet, a tetralogy, or (much more stupidly) a quadrilo…

Ted has risen! Ted 2 unto others as you would have Ted 2 to uh yourself. We're back with the sequel to Seth MacFarlane's lovable children's film TED, the appropriately titled TED 2. Ben was lukewarm on the first Ted film and Alex remembers disliking Ted 2 when he watched it on a plane many years ago... how will the lads feel about Ted 2 now? Well, …

We're back this week with a new franchise, TED. Everyone's favourite Seth MacFarlane project behind Family Guy but ahead of everything else he's done. Since there's a new Ted TV series we thought we'd revisit the lovable foul-mouthed bear and see if he's still funny (or if he ever was in the first place...) We start the episode by discussing the li…

The spice continues to flow on our latest episode: DUNE: PART TWO, the epic conclusion to Denis Villeneuve's adaptation of one book. We have a very special guest joining us this week, fellow sandman and spicelover Alex Baigent! This brings us 3/4 of the way to having the entirety of the band Westelaken on the show. Soon we shall collect them all! B…

It's DUNE time again, the spice must flow, the podcast must uhhh ummmm be recorded and released. What a wonderful, special episode we have for you. Joining us is major spice-head Aren Bergstrom, a huge Dune fan, cinephile and fellow movie podcaster. We do talk about Dune, don't worry, but first we have an extended riff on hot button film criticism …

Beer is the mind killer, the sleeper has awakened from a drunken nap. And many more Dune-related jokes I’m sure! We’re back with an exciting and relevant franchise: the DUNE films. This week we start by discussing (eventually) David Lynch’s 1984 adaptation. Is it a failure or a secret success… or something in between? We also touch on Alejandro Jod…

Listen up you rat fucks, Ben has now seen all 26 of cinema god Martin Scorsese's fiction feature films. He and Alex have cooked you up a nice-a bonus episode, just like our mother's used to make. It's long, epic even... just like one of Marty's pictures. We talk about every Martin Scorsese film here, from MEAN STREETS to TAXI DRIVER to GOODFELLAS t…

Martin Scorsese baby. The god! We're back with his 1986 cool guy classic, THE COLOR OF MONEY. Paul Newman is back as Fast Eddie Felcher, older and wiser (?), not playing pool but anymore but still hustling. He meets a young, hot shot hot shit pool prodigy Tom Cruise and takes him and his streetwise girlfriend under his wing. Can Fast Eddie show the…

We're back and squeezing in a short "franchise" before DUNE unto others as we'd have DUNE unto ourselves. We chose something good for a bit of a change of pace: THE HUSTLER. Directed by Robert Rossen (who joins the Elia Kazan club of Communist name namers who also made some great films), THE HUSTLER is a film about having that grindset, the money m…

Jurassic World Dominion NO COLON You don't have to watch this movie! You could go outside! You don't have to have seen this movie to enjoy this podcast, we don't even talk about it until an hour in! Don't do this to yourself, you're better than that! I'm serious, don't bother! Do some chores, call your mom, get a start on your taxes for god's sake.…

We're back to discuss the 2nd film in the JURASSIC WORLD series, JURASSIC WORLD: FALLEN KINGDOM. It's a real doozy so thank god we're joined by our special guest Rob McLay, a musician and passionate dinosaur rights advocate. Rob raises an important question: we agree dinosaurs should be granted rights... but should they also receive the right to vo…

oh this is a big special extra long and rambling episode for you real Fanchisees out there, we love you and if you listen to this whole episode you will be rewarded with the knowledge of the name of the street Jordan B. Peterson lives on. we promise that next year we will figure out a better format for this but until then: listen or die!…

It's Jurassic's World, we're just living in it. That doesn't really make sense I guess. But maybe there was a time when rebooting the Jurassic franchise didn't make sense either... makes you think. I'm sure glad they decided to make more swell dino movies for us that don't suck! We discuss legacy sequels and Chris Pratt and Colin Trevorrow and all …

Ben eats a bagel, the boys respond to legitimate fan mail, and discuss the stirring final chapter of the Jurassic Park trilogy.저자 The Franchisees

Something Survived... that's right, The Franchisees are back with the dino-tastic sequel to Jurassic Park. There's little debate around whether this second entry is "dino-tastic"... but is it any good? Does Sammy Fabelman recapture some of the magic of the original We offer up some lukewarm takes! Before we eventually talk about The Lost World: Jur…

We're back! New year, new us. Looking to the future, and the future's gonna be bright. That's why we chose to go back 65 million years to bring you some gargantuan dino content. Our first franchise of 2024: Jurassic Park/World. It brings me immeasurable displeasure to include /World... I really don't want to watch any of those three films again but…

Last episode of the year! Happy New Year! Hypergremlinization! See you on the other side!

Bah! Humbug!저자 The Franchisees

'Twas the night before Christmas if you listen to this immediately or maybe next year on December 24th it could become a tradition for you why not? We're coming to you from the North Pole with a special Christmas-themed double bill: the Gremlins franchise! We've recorded two short and sloppy episodes for you this holiday season, may you enjoy them …

I’m making chocolate of course! We’re back to check in with the latest screen version of the beloved character Willy Wonka. What’s he been up to? What was he like before the first film? And before that? And before that? And before that? What was he like as a little sperm? All our questions are finally answered. Friend of the pod and famous Fanchise…

What a fucking drag! This week we revisited a real piece of crap, Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory. Does Burton's pure imagination combined with a delicious performance by Joni Dripp result in a confection you'll go crazy for? I certainly hope not! Revisiting this a week after rediscovering the joy of the original did not do it any fa…

"Help! Help! Somebody help me! If you can read this, send help! I'm a fat little German boy and I'm stuck in the chocolate pipe! Please for the love of god help me, I've been here for days! I can't feel my legs! I can't feel my legs! Oh my god I'm going to die here! I'm going to die like this! Oh god! Oh god save me, please! I can't eat anymore cho…

Hello listeners, we've got a ballad to sing to you, I hope you don't find that cringe! Special guest Mary Jane joins us again to talk about the latest instalment of the popular young adult dystopian sci-fi series The Hunger Games. It's a prequel so we've got a whole new cast of characters and fresh faces. Does this film justify its own existence? E…

Another double feature for all you weirdo arrested development YA freaks! That's right, The Franchisees are back with HG: MJ 1+2 with very special guest and Hunger Games aficionado, Mary Jane. MJ suggested this series in the first place, so it's great to have her guide us through the latter half of this dystopian franchise. Should they have split t…

New franchise alert! Two movies in one episode? Can it be done? Turns out, yes it can, quite easily. After some unforeseen issues and delays we've decided to truncate our Hunger Games series into 3 episodes so as not to mess with our extremely tight and rigid schedule. And if you have a problem with that go fly a kite and also go fuck yourself. Joi…

A Halloween Special in November? That's right. And if you don't like it, your beloved Simpsons used to do it all the time so stop complaining! For the past few years Alex and Ben and our friend also named Ben had a Halloween movie marathon at the end of October. This year we decided to make audio content out of it! Ben wasn't able to join unfortuna…

*****Thank you for listening and we're sorry there was no episode last week. We'll make it up to you with this long episode and some more bonus eps coming up soon. We love you.***** *****WARNING: There is nothing particularly 'X-rated' about this episode despite the sensational title.*****저자 The Franchisees

Ben got cropped. Chris Rock got slapped. These things happen and who can really say who was in the wrong and who was in the right? All we can do is analyze these moments again and again and again until they finally become clear. We're back with the penultimate episode of our long-running, award-winning series on the epic 10-part anime SAW... this i…

The Final Chapter my ass. The Saw Series continues after a long hiatus with the 2017 sequel/prequel/spinoff Jigsaw directed by the Spierig Brothers. Jigsaw is terrorizing Toronto yet again, this time trapping a group of sinners in a barn somewhere. Canadian acting icon Callum Keith Rennie is on the case. Not a great movie! Join us next week for Chr…

A silly episode for a silly movie. Good silly! We had a lot of fun with this Extremely Goofy Movie that attempts to wrap up the series with a slightly more heightened style than your average Saw (which is really saying something). Kevin Greutert is back and thank god Twisted Pictures forced him into it. Jigsaw/Hoffman/Dr. Cary Elwes take their reve…

We're back with an action-packed, double/triple guested, too long episode! Thank you for joining us for the sixth part in the epic ten-part anime series, Saw. Saw VI is easily among the best in the series and we all loved it. Longtime editor of the Saw films Kevin Greutert takes over directing duties for the first time and does a superlative job. W…

Congratulations! You've made it halfway through our series on the epic ten-part anime franchise SAW. Good for you, well done. Friend of the pod Devin Shears joins us this week to discuss Saw V, a film which makes the bizarre decision to focus less on the traps and more on the... character development? Give us what we want! This is a very cheap-look…

We're back with another entry in our series on the epic 10-part anime SAW series. This one's a doozy, we've got so much to discuss. We don't even get to talking about Saw IV until an hour in! Ben and Alex give their thoughts on some hot new flicks coming out of the Toronto International Film Festival (including Harmony Korine's much anticipated AGG…

We're back, Darren Lynn Bousman is back, and our special guest Katherine Vienneau is back! Where does the epic 10-part anime Saw series go after the boring and bad Saw II? Can returning director DLB step up his twisted game for this sequel? Yes, oh lord yes! Saw III is the true beginning of the Saw sequel madness! We got Jigsaw, we got Amanda, we g…

We return with part two of our series on the epic ten-part anime series, Saw. Does this sequel have two times the torture, two times the traps, two times the grime? Or does it completely suck? Listen to find out! Alex and Ben get trapped in a Toronto nerve gas house thanks to the new Saw series landlord, Darren Lynn Bousman. Can his scripting and d…

"I want to play a game. Listener... your whole life, um... no ok, uh *clears throat* the last few months of your life you've been listening to The Franchisees podcast... now, um... now you're trapped in a uh... ok I don't actually want to play a game right now... I am too tired." New franchise alert! We are beginning our epic series on the 10-part …

Ben and Al reunite - not that you would have noticed. Thank god we've finally made it to the finish line of the Ninja Turtles franchise. There were some highs and lows, mostly lows, but we're ending the series with a bang. Canadian dopesmoker Seth Rogen has done it again! Mutant Mayhem is not only a fun animated movie, it is perhaps the greatest pi…

We're comin' out! Out of the shadows that is. Yep, there's another Ninja Turtles movie: this one is the sequel to the reboot from 2014 that sucked. Is Out of the Shadows an improvement? Yes it is, in nearly every way. Zanier, funnier, closer to a live-action cartoon adaptation than a soulless, gritty reboot. *Charlie Rose voice* "We have Bebop. We …

Welcome back! 7 long years have passed since TMNT (2007) graced the big screen. Hundreds of people hard at work, scripting, planning, crafting, animating... and this is what they came up with. This week we're talking about the monstrous Michael Bay-produced series reboot from 2014 and we have a very special guest who eagle-eared listeners may recog…

What an episode we have for you this week. Is it about the 2007 computer animated Ninja Turtles movie TMNT? Well, partly. We get to it eventually, around an hour in. It's just not a very good or interesting movie unfortunately. Not really much to talk about! But that's ok, because many other exciting things have been happening. Ben had a real life …

Boring ass movie alert! The Turtles go back in time... sounds like a blast from the past, eh? Well it's not, it's boring as shit! Join Alex and Ben as they struggle to come up with things to say about Turtles in Time. How could they mess this up? Sending the Turtles to Feudal Japan sounds great on paper, right? Unfortunately, this film is bogged do…

"Go Ninja Go Ninja Go!" These are the immortal words of the Jim Henson Creature Shop rapping animatronic they named Vanilla Ice. He's in this movie and, unfortunately, in one of the more fun parts. The turtles are back to kick some shell, having been out of theatres for a whole year. Released at arguably the height of Turtlemania, is this a bigger …

New franchise time! The Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is one of the biggest and most profitable media franchises of all time. Comics, toys, TV series, movies... all perfectly intertwined to make maximum money. But does this sellout series have any heart? Is our nostalgia for the four lads from NYC enough to get us through these films for children? T…

Hot new release movie coming at you fresh off the resurrected legacy sequel pipeline. We saw Dial of Destiny opening night and recorded our thoughts just for you because we love you. How does Indy 5 stack up against the other films in the series? Is it as disappointing as the Cannes critics said it was? And what exactly is this Dial of Destiny? All…

Join the Franchisees as we climb into the lead-lined fridge and survive the nuclear blast that is Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. Is this film as bad as its reputation? Or is it a secret masterpiece? Or is it perhaps some sort of third thing? Paul joins us again to revisit a film we all last saw in theatres when we were young adults. Now that we're o…

Happy Father's Day! Last Crusade conveniently landed on this important day where we all remember to call our father figures and acknowledge their existence. In his third and, at one point in many of our living memories, final adventure, Indiana Jones is paired up with his estranged dad, Sean Connery. Can they work together to find the Holy Grail be…

***the following episode description has been written in the style of everyone's favourite Temple of Doom character, Willie*** AHHHHH! OH MY GOD, THERE'S NO PILOT!!! AHHHHHHHHH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! INDY! AHHHHHHH! FOR CRYING OUT LOUD, THERE'S A KID DRIVING THE CAR!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!! AHHHHHHHHH!! THERE ARE TWO DEAD PEOPLE IN HERE! AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH! O…

BONUS BONUS BONUS Ben has now seen every film directed by writer/director, film critic, and legendary Facebook poster Paul Schrader. For that reason, as well as the release of Master Gardener, The Franchisees have recorded some emergency bonus content ranking every Paul Schrader-directed film. Is this episode just a long and barely coherent rant by…

The Franchisees are back with a new, exciting franchise: the Indian Jones films! Action, adventure, romance, and goofball gags galore. Directed by friend of the pod Steven Spielberg (FKA Sammy Fabelman), the first film in the series Raiders of the Lost Ark is considered to be one of the greatest action-adventure films of all time. A non-stop thrill…