081 Centering Your Pleasure in Relationships with Marion Chloe Theis

Vagina Talks

Join Marion as she details her journey of finding love and sexual satisfaction through deep self-acceptance and self-discovery. A story of getting clear on who you are and what you want and then finding it and growing with it.

This show is for those who want to reclaim their confidence and power by discovering their own sensual practice. This is a journey of intense healing for those that are searching within themselves to connect with themselves and others. To feel within themselves wisdom and newfound bodily pleasurable experiences.

In this episode, they discuss:

• Self-discovery and BDSM
• Reclaiming our power through trusting our feelings
• Calling in love and a partner through knowing your self
• Kink, sex, and emotional maturity

Resources

Instagram: @SophiaWiseOne

LinkedIn, Facebook, Twitter: @SophiaWiseOne

Website: https://www.sophiawiseone.com/

Marion Chloe Theis

Instagram: @MarionChloeTheis

Facebook page: @marionchloetheiscoaching

Website: https://www.marionchloetheis.com/

Quotes

33:32

“A partner can bring you a lot of things. It can bring you your comfort, affection, sex, emotional fulfillment, but you have to be able, I believe, to bring these things to yourself, first and foremost.” - Marion Chloe Theis.

41:25

“When you reclaim your pleasure, your sexual pleasure, you reclaim your power!” - Marion Chloe Theis.

48:50 “I believe that we are co-creatively, rebirthing the planet, our culture and reality as we know it right now. And pleasure, sex, and power are huge components of that shifting landscape.” - Sophia Wise One.

35:45

“That very thing that we're wanting someone else to provide, is really useful information about the very thing that we are asking ourselves to provide, or to experience, or open up to, to make that possible in our own lives.” - Sophia Wise One

FULL Transcript VT 81 Marion Chloe Theis

Sat, 1/9 9:41AM • 56:01

SPEAKERS

Vagina Talks Theme Song by Sophia Wise One, Sophia Wise One, Intro, Marion Chloé Theis

Intro from Samantha Rise 00:01

I'm Samantha Rise, and welcome to Vagina Talks where we speak about to and from vaginas. This is a show of alchemy, where we turn poison into medicine, disconnection into wisdom and isolated wounds into communal peacemaking. here's your host, Sophia Wise One.

Vagina Talks Theme Song by Sophia Wise One 00:20

You already know everything I can teach you already know everything I can say we are here to remind you what you already know, you already know

Intro From Sophia Wise One 00:37

I just want to take a minute to acknowledge that vagina talks understands that gender is fluid and dynamic and goes way beyond the binary of either woman or man, she or him. And that, in fact, it's a living an evolving thing that's actually personal person to person. And that our bodies, even our understanding, or the ways that we experience them can vary. It's important for me that that's something that has space here on Vagina Talks. And at the same time, I also am carrying this understanding that womanhood and the experience of the feminine and all of the female, in the splitting of that binary, has been injured has been hurt has been dismantled. And so, I'm looking to have a space where the feminine and the female and the female body is reclaimed and respected and lifted and inspected and known, as well as a space that goes beyond the binary. And that acknowledges that these are limited constructs, mostly put upon us, and that we're in the process of evolving into something more whole and more true. Just wanted to say that some of my guests will use incredibly binary language for whatever reason from the places that they come from. And I just wanted to let you know that Vagina Talks has a much wider understanding, and it's a living one. So, feel free to chime in as we go along. Without further ado, today's episode.

Sophia Wise One 2:13

Hello, beautiful human and welcome back to Vagina Talks. I'm really grateful that you're here with me today. I am a tender, tender mush, I am in the midst of a good cleansing. I'm have an image of a mortar and pestle. And I'm in it. And I really heard myself this morning in my in my grief and in my rage. I could literally hear cliterally, I could cliterally hear a tone that I hadn't heard before. And while I was actually screaming, the thought went through my head. Oh my gosh, this is that opening I was praying for like this is it's happening right now like this is a new tone. This is a new vibration. This is a new experience. So, I'm just in the after washes of this really kind of big opening and a really big surrendering. So I'm just like, that's where I am right now. I'm just like in this tender place. And we have a guest today that I'm really excited to share with you. I came across her I looked at her stuff and I just I just felt this was like this. She's our people. You know, we got to get her get her in here. So I want to bring her in. tell you a little bit about her. Marion Chloé Theis is a French love coach. She helps women have better sex and relationships through spiritual and kinky sex practices. After a lot of bad relationships and unsatisfying sex encounters, she decided to take the matter into her own hands and did the invisible emotional work required to reclaim her power. She gave into her BDSM tendencies and discovered a new way to be in her body. From there, she grew a new sense of confidence that has spread to all areas of life. She now helps other women access their own wisdom so they can feel more connection with themselves and others. Marion welcome.

Marion Chloé Theis 04:25

Hey, thanks for having me.

Sophia Wise One 04:28

So, grateful to have you here today. And, you know, the first question I want to start with is is is playful and sincere and so I invite you to just kind of just kind of check in and see where it goes. If you just check in with your body and you just check in with your vagina. What is it that you would like to share with us?

Marion Chloé Theis 04:52

Well, that's a good question. What's coming up strongly is, in a way of my stories, obviously unique to me, but also speaks to a lot of people because I think there are a lot of people around there, who don't really have a very great relationships or sex. And it's something we tend to ignore, because it's not easy to face. And we don't really know. Like, we don't have like a relationship at school, or like the sex school. Most people didn't go there. Right. So it's not easy to know how to navigate that, like, sex is messy. Relationships are messy, life is messy. And yet, relationship and sex are so intimate and so important. And we're not really given the tools to address that to navigate the challenges. So I think that that's what I want to talk about.

Sophia Wise One 05:54

Great. Let's go, go for it.

Marion Chloé Theis 05:59

Okay, um, do have a prompt to give me something to get them started. .

Sophia Wise One 06:05

Sure, sure. Right, right. I guess so two, two entrance points, right, is either your personal story, right? Of kind of the unsatisfying or satisfying, like, what's happening now and how you got there? Or some tools? So kind of either coming in on that personal friend or coming in on that, that tool place? And I'm curious about both, so

Marion Chloé Theis 06:37

We'll do both then.

Sophia Wise One 06:39

Okay.

Marion Chloé Theis 06:40

Number one, my story. So I think it's like, it's always really hard for me to like, find a starting point. Because, I mean, there's a certain point when visiting enough my life, but like, I'm not going to tell the full story. It would be it would take a long time, I'm going to take a middle point. When I was around 19-20 I was, I was living in Barcelona, I was doing an a student exchange program. And I just like, my life was a mess. And yet so intense, and I learned so many things. So to give you a context, before that, were two long term relationships, my first like kind of official, you know, like, growing up ish relationship. The second one being actually very abusive, as the first one being naturally fulfilling, like, emotionally. So I was like, at this point where, like, I was just this new relationship will hurt me a lot? And like, I'm talking from my point of view, I wasn't a victim that well, you know, abuse was anyway, that's a long story. But like, I'm not saying like, I'm talking about relationships, and I'm gonna be talking about my relationships, I am not putting the blame on the other person, I just want that to be clear,

Sophia Wise One 08:07

Right, like you understand fundamentally, that it's a co-creative experience.

Marion Chloé Theis 08:10

Exactly, like self and sovereignty are really important. And obviously, there are habits that, like abusive relationship being one of them, but like, since I'm gonna be talking about my relationships, I don't want to be rude. But I do accept my risk, and sovereignty in them, you know, because I was, I was a part of them. So, I was just out of this long-term relationship. And I was in Barcelona, single, you know, I'm still on the front end, like, I just started dating around a lot and sleeping around a lot and having lots of fun. And I needed this time to kind of like, put myself back together. And it did help. And it was tremendously helpful in processing everything that had been going on, on my relationship beforehand. But then I also realized that my relationships were not more satisfying. So, like, in one-night stands, something was missing. And I think I realized more and more that there must be more to that, you know, like more than like, some one nightstand or the sex for like, the person who generally is socialized as a man, kind of do their business, and then they're done. And then tire, like, it's like the typical, like, yeah, it's like a kind of mainstream way that I want to say society depicts, you know, what sex is, in a very kind of, you know, penis in the vagina kind of thing. And I was like, “Hm, I'm not like, what about me?” and I was always very like, aware of that, but it was also very, very hard for me to ask for things. Like, in sex, it's meant not asking for what I wanted, not even knowing what I wanted. And in relationships and men in a relationship, it meant, like not actually being able to articulate my own needs, or my boundaries, or being like, actually, I want this kind of relationship with you and these are my boundaries. Like I just didn't have like the tools or like, I just didn't know what it was like a just… I was just thinking that having needs in general and feeling was like a bad thing. And if I wanted to be loved, I had to pretend to be really strong.

Sophia Wise One 10:44

Classic, yeah!

Marion Chloé Theis 10:48

Yeah and I think a lot of people, especially people who have been raised as women tend to have that of like, you have to be strong, but also not too much. Or you have to, like, you know, all the injunctions all the, you know, social standards. And obviously, not like you have to put someone else's needs before yours.

Sophia Wise One 11:18

Oooooooh.

Marion Chloé Theis 11:18

Is it touching a chord here?

Sophia Wise One 11:19

Yeah. And also, just a theme I just think so many people know that feeling. You know its definitely part of my feeling, for sure. It’s a story, a piece, of a lot of people’s. It's one of those things, that If it worked, it would work. It turns out that is doesn’t work, it it does not work the way I was lead to to believe it would work.

Marion Chloé Theis 11:48

Yeah. And I think, I don't know, I mean, I've I do know, like I have been able to like kind of look back into like, okay, so I'm having like, unsatisfying sex, obviously, I'm not getting anything like or everything I want a relationship, like, what's the problem? So, like, I looked back at, like, the common, you know, component, which would just mean actually, like, Well, you know, out of 10 crappy relationship and the, and the, you know, the one denominator. Yeah, yeah, constant. It's like, Hmm, maybe there is something about to me, maybe the other person is just not, you know, the one to blame. So, I started looking back and did a lot of, you know, work around beliefs I had on myself, or, like, you know, feeling guilty and feeling like, you know, just like I said, I had to put my, my needs last, I had to pretend they didn't have needs, I had to be like, perfect, I had to be strong showing feelings was like, not good. And then, like, I kind of went to the root of that, you know, like, originated, like, in childhood, you know, like everyone else, we all have, like, daddy and mommy issues or parents issues. Like, you know, and like, kind of doing this work of like going a bit, deeper and deeper, and like peeling back the layers. And actually focusing afterwards on like, loving myself and giving myself what I wanted. So like, that's a long story short, you know, obviously, lots of ups and downs happen in between that.

Marion Chloé Theis 13:25

But for the sake of the story, yeah. And I think I so in between these. So long term relationship, and my newest relationships I am in, so it started, like, a year ago. I remained single for like, seven years. And I was dating, you know, I had, like, casual hookups. I had whatever I wanted, you know, like, when I wanted more or less, as in more or less, um, but like, I wasn't, I wasn't seeing anyone long term. And I wanted to, and I got really frustrated and I got really angry. And I think it brought by like, a lot of feelings or, like, no worthiness. And am I ever gonna be able to meet you know, someone that I love that loves me back, you know, who has the same, you know, life visons that I do, who want the same thing the same kind of relationship and like, it just felt like fuck, you know? It was hard. It was really hard. And day after day, I just vowed to just showing up for myself, whatever that meant. And sometimes it would mean like yeah, maybe just crying and watching Netflix and being miserable and throwing myself a pity party because I needed to feel my feelings and some other days meant. Well, actually going on a dating app and actually, like going on dates to meet new people, right because I wanted to find like the one person I don't I don't see actually believe this concept but more because if I want to date and they need to date, you know, and right, like, doing things in a different way, and also knowing that, like, someone was out there that was going to happen.

Marion Chloé Theis 15:19

But meanwhile, you know, like, being really happy with myself and making space in my life for this to happen for us and for sex, you know, for good sex searching was myself, so like, having good sex with myself, and having dates with myself. And I knew that the first time I heard about that felt like, like, a bit weird, like, kind of picturing a 40-50 years old. Like person, like being alone in a restaurant, like actually I had of a lot of fun eating alone in the restaurant because, like, I don't have to share my meal. I don't have to talk while I'm eating. You know, like, it's a lot of things like, trying different experiences, and, and really focusing on myself and, and being okay with myself and, and loving myself and, you know, in small and big ways, and we can, you know, go more into detail, you know, on that afterwards. But yeah, in a nutshell, that's it. And then, about a year ago, more than a year ago, after like, yet another kind of relationship that didn't work out. And I just, I was just like so pissed, I just, I was just pacing in my room, I was in Bali at the time, I was just, I was just pacing back and forth. And I was just like, angry and like talking to the universe and crying and, and kind of getting all my feelings out and then I ended up.

Marion Chloé Theis 16:49

Like, just giving myself a pep talk. And I taught I remember, I told myself like, yeah, I'm gonna meet someone, you know, who, I am attracted to who I feel on the same page, you know, emotionally as well, you know, like, kind of detailing all of that and then adding like, Oh, yeah, and someone was into kink as in, like, BDSM sex because it had been someone, I've always kind of been attracted to, for as long as I remember. Like, from like puberty, but like, I never really kind of, like, took the leap. But I realized, like, I had been realizing, you know, doing all of this work and like figuring out what I liked and sex and relationship and everything. That this was, it was really, really important to me. And I didn't really know like how it could happen, because like, I wasn't hanging out in like, kink communities, because it felt really scary, still, a lot of that. But like, anyway, I just finished my pep talk with kind of all these criteria and the final things was like someone was into kink? like kind of all these criteria and added like city fathers went off like and someone was looking. And like I kid you not three days later I met my current partner in the alley, just like in the most random and magical way ever, I just sat next to him in a restaurant. And that is it and we just started chatting. And then the next day I went on a date and they didn't think it was a date. Turns out it was a date.

Marion Chloé Theis 18:20

And then he offered to tie me up as in like doing some shibari. So, I don't know if you're familiar with Chavez, some ancient Japanese bondage arts. And now it's kind of been used and reclaimed in the erotic. Like context and BDSM communities. And he had just gotten back from Japan from doing like a course on that. And we're just talking about BDSM, and, you know, like asking me like what I do. And I went like well, not a lot because you know, there's a...