#112: What to Keep in Mind When You Miss Red Flags

Black Girls Heal

If you’ve missed red flags in a relationship, it’s completely and totally okay. There is no shame in having missed the signs and suddenly realizing that they are there. Which is why I’m sharing what to keep in mind when you miss red flags.

Lately, I’ve seen a lot of chatter about women starting to heal and then suddenly seeing the signs of a bad relationship that they’d previously missed. For so many women this noticing leads to feelings of shame and guilt that they didn’t recognize the signs sooner.

Stop right there.

Instead of heading down the shame spiral, take a moment and be kind to yourself. So you didn’t recognize those signs right off. You do now and that’s what’s important. Be kind, compassionate, and loving to yourself so that you can finally break the cycle.

I also want you to know that there is nothing wrong with you. You are not what is broken. Even if you’ve chosen the same type of relationship over and over again, it’s not your fault that you’re being mistreated.

Lastly, no matter how long you’ve been in the relationship or where you’re at in life, you have the right to choose how to respond. It doesn’t matter if you’re 10 minutes, 10 days, or 10 years into it, you can change your future by making a new choice.

You’re on the path to healing and growth because you see the red flags. What choice will you make now that you know?

In this episode:

• [00:35] Welcome back loved ones!
• [02:22] Have you ever felt regret or shame for missing red flags in relationships?
• [03:22] When you do notice those red flags, be kind, compassionate, and loving to yourself.
• [04:26] Do you know what being kind to yourself means?
• [07:28] I want you to do something different than you've ever done before.
• [09:36] There is nothing wrong with you.
• [13:06] Don’t mistake self-accountability and taking ownership with self-deprecation.
• [13:38] No matter where you are or how long things have been happening, you get to choose how to respond.
• [15:27] As soon as you decide that you’re ready to get out, that’s all you need.

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