086 - Hallmark 9/11 Origins: Can You Not?

It's Christmastown

SARA KATE WILKINSON'S empire lies in ruins in the LOVE AND SUNSHINE (2019) and she's: Not buying Winnie Cooper ... THEME ... Deeply irritable ... Letters to Santa: They mentioned 9/11; a long way to get a dog in a house; wrong since Episode 3; can houses burn in Hallmark?; "A Season of Recovery" ... Troops without trauma ... A strange age scale ... BREAK ... Cast rundown ... Quaid In Full plug ... Michael Caine in Jaws 4 ... Danica McKellar on podcast probation ... The Expositional Challenge ... Jordan in the air ... Plot Mop-Up: Landscaping job; overstuffed with ex-partners; reenlisting the dog; military golden retriever ... BREAK ... Spot the Angel: Tricia Collins, Sunshine ... "We have politics about foster dogs" ... The Angels are in America ... Eat Your Heart Out: A diabetic party with lossless plates; bald eagle cupcakes; two-day welcome-home feast; Dear John apology pie; every possible dessert; three wine mentions; SURREAL SCREENSHOT; listener suggestions (memento mori; writer bubble fetish; Wuhan Virus); sugary lemonade; you just POURED the wine ... Agenda 21 ... BREAK ... The Hallmark Expanded Universe: Wedding planners (Episode 69); tulips, dogs, the Pacific Northwest and the military (Episodes 11, 18, 55, 57) ... Mark Deklin Intensity Appreciation Station ... Hallmark Made 9/11 happen ... Overdetermined: The 9/11 Trauma Swap; landscaping project summation; recapping relationships to a dog; "I guess we share more than a dog"; thank you for your service ... War on terraces ... BREAK ... Crossover: Jake Terry could appear in any action movie; or in Leave No Trace; the Parasite rock; an Iraq War town in the valley of Elah ... The Hallmark Bechdel Test: Passes within 90 seconds, fails for the rest ... The Hallmark Voight-Kampff Test: Ben and Donna, pathological exes ... Great Moments in Moppetry: 3 ... LOOGY ... Chad Bradford arm error ... Rating: 2.5 ... So weighted with fetishized sacrifice that a light screenplay can't support it ... Two lives' chewed up by the machine ... Mythologized masculinity indivisible from patriotism ... BREAK ... The Leftovers: Mark Deklin Appreciation Station #2 ... Pot your plants ... Pastel dog-washing hose ... Wife Chat: Dyeables shoes; sweatless workout; flowers that don't bloom at once; exposed deck picket ends; massive cheesecake; Danica cleans up after the party; engagement ring in pocket ... Ellie Kanner's LA comedy tie-in ... Infantilizing Bess Armstrong with technology ... "I have a debt I have to pay" ... War was challenging, but I made some buds ... Loving dogs isn't a personality ... Clawlike dog petting ... FBI sting fake movie ... "Based on a NYT mag article" ... Scientology ad ... Merry Christmas! • MUSIC: "Teenage Pregnancy," by Cake • "You Raise Me Up," by Josh Groban • "Let the Eagle Soar," by former US Attorney General John Ashcroft • All other music by Chris Collingwood of Look Park and Fountains of Wayne, except: "Orchestral Sports Theme" by Chris Collingwood and Rick Murnane